Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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