I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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