he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
