do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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