I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
