Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
