Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
too bad you live with your parents still
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
