How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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