Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
