Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
