"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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