i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wrigley field is MILF paradise
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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