Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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