Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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