I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
