dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
