Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
