Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
