it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
