1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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