just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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