i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
