we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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