I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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