His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
