I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
