You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize