You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
