i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
