i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
