Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
