I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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