i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
