Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
