Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
