New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
