Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
