For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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