I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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