have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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