Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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