Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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