I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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