VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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