what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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