I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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