Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
