yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
