We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you never un-have a 4some
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
