i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
