um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
