is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
bring money and cleavage
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
