Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
