It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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