This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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