If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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