Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
