I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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