this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
