I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bring money and cleavage
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
