I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
