I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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