Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
and you fell through a lawn chair
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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