I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
